Qualities of your Relationships

The quality of your life has a strong connection with how healthy your relationships are with other people. Do you struggle to make other people see things your way? Well stop trying, because you can’t manipulate others. Why? Well, just like you, they are operating from their own map of the world. What you CAN do is develop a habit of paying attention to the positive aspects of your relationship.

If you are distressed by your relationships, then you need to change the way in which you react to the behaviour of others. If you hold a belief that you will only be happy when the other person changes, it’s time to get real, because: The Buck Stops With You.

Think about someone in your life; Are you paying attention to the qualities you think that person is lacking? For example, maybe you think: “If only he was tidier, more attentive to me, more loving, etc.”? Whatever you put your attention on expands. If you only notice the things that annoy you about others, or if you focus on what you think they are not doing right, then you will only experience more of the behaviour that you are trying to avoid!

Try this exercise: Think about this specific person, and write down the qualities you admire in them. Take the time to remember what drew you to them in the first place. Maybe they are great at making you laugh. They could be a good listener, or have a talent for organising things and events. Whatever you like about this person, write it onto a list! And then look at this list every day.

By doing this, you shift your subconscious attention onto the positive aspects of the relationship and you will start to experience even more of these qualities that you like! Your relationship will improve and the other person will start to become more loving, open and receptive towards you as well.

What About Those Things You Don’t Like? Okay, then. What really annoys you about others? Do you get upset by arrogant people? Or maybe people who cannot be assertive really make your blood boil. Whatever it is that bothers you, you must understand this: We criticize in others the very qualities that we dislike most about ourselves.

We are all connected to a Universal consciousness. When you look at another person, you are also looking at a version of yourself. Learn to see yourself in the reflection of others, and you will become more tolerant of what you see as their negative qualities. And remember, other people, are always a mirror to you.

If you want a great relationship, you need to pay attention to the way you react to people. And most importantly, treat others as you would like to be treated. You have the ability to create a happy, fulfilling relationship, and if you learn to see yourself in others, you will find yourself becoming more and more open to experiencing the good qualities those people.

Article written by: Sonia Devine

Article Source: Article Geek

Evaluating our Relationships

There comes a time in all our lives when we may need to evaluate our relationships, making sure that they are having a positive effect on us, rather than dragging us down. Without realizing it, we may be spending precious time and energy engaging in friendships that let us down, rather than cultivating ones that support and nourish us along our path. Life, with its many twists, turns, and challenges, is difficult enough without us entertaining people in our inner circle who drain our energy. We can do so much more in this world when we are surrounded by people who understand what we’re trying to do and who positively support our efforts to walk our path.

We can begin this evaluation process by simply noticing how we feel in the context of each one of our close relationships. We may begin to see that an old friend is still carrying negative attitudes or ideas that we ourselves need to let go of in order to move forward. Or we may find that we have a long-term relationship with someone who has a habit of letting us down, or not showing up for us when we need support. There are many ways to go about changing the status quo in situations like this, having a heart to heart with our friend showing through example. This process isn’t so much about abandoning old friends as it is about shifting our relationships so that they support us on our journey rather than holding us back.

An important part of this process is looking at ourselves and noticing what kind of friend we are to the people in our lives. We might find that as we adjust our own approach to a relationship, challenging ourselves to be more supportive and positive, our friends make adjustments as well and the whole world benefits.

Note: This article was originally posted in the DailyOM.  It was not written by Jennifer Bridge.

A Reason, Season or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you
will know what to do for each person. When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realise is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you
sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .
Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional
foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

~Author Unknown

To Thine Own Self Be True

It is so important to stay true to yourself in all relationships.  Several months ago, I discovered this powerful post called Being Your TRUE Self in Relationships written by Gwen Randall-Young that focuses on this topic.  I’d like to share it with you.

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Being Your TRUE Self in Relationships by Gwen Randall-Young

“This above all,–to thine own self be true; and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” ~ William Shakespeare

Are you in a relationship with a spouse or a friend where you feel you cannot express your true thoughts? Do you find yourself censoring your views because you are afraid the other will become upset or it will create a problem? Do you feel at times like you are walking on eggshells?

This is not a healthy situation because in this kind of relationship you cannot be, or express your true self. You have to talk and behave in ways that will be acceptable to the other. This can create distance in the relationship, and even resentment.

You may end up shutting down important parts of yourself, and this can lead to unhappiness or even depression. Alternatively, you may have others in your life with whom you can be yourself, and then your life becomes fragmented. It is like you are one person with those with whom you can be your true self, and another person for those you must not annoy.

Honesty is such an important part of intimate relationships, and if we cannot be honest, we cannot have true intimacy. The relationship itself becomes dishonest, because we are pretending to be someone different than who we really are.

If revealing who we really are will result in rejection from the other, then it is not really us they think they love, but rather the idea of who they think we are. Both parties collude in keeping this deception going.

We all deserve to be loved and accepted for who we are. If you are dancing to the beat of someone else’s drum, it may be time to stop, and take some time to decide just who it is you are, and how you want to be with that. You may decide that life is too short, and individuality to important to have to pretend.

Spring Cleaning Your Life

Spring Cleaning windowSpring is here! Although it seems more like back and forth between winter and summer in Maryland lately with temps ranging from the 30s to the high 80s.  It’s still April.  To many April is that time of year when we get the urge to do some spring cleaning around the house. You know, open the windows and let in the fresh air. Then put away the winter clothes, boots and coats. After that it usually leads to getting out the cleaning supplies and trash bags, turning up the music and jumping into another round of spring cleaning!   It is also the perfect time to do some spring cleaning in your life. That’s right, in your life.  Many people spend the winter months hibernating behind excuses, losing motivation and filling their lives with piles and boxes of mental, physical and emotional junk to clear out in the spring.  Here are some ways you can spring clean your life.

  • Air out your attitude. If your attitude is closer to “scrooge” from the holidays, then let that negativity blow away with the spring breeze.
  • Lighten up your life with more laughter and joy. When was the last time you let your inner child out to have some fun!
  • Clean out your emotional closet. Holding on to old emotional baggage does not leave room for you to fully enjoy life in the present moment.
  • Rid yourself of resentments. Start out the season with forgiveness and lighten up your spirit.
  • Throw out unhealthy or expired relationships. There may be some friendships or other kinds of relationships that you have outgrown and no longer fit you this season.
  • Open up the windows of your mind to new and refreshing ideas on living healthier, happier and easier.
  • Dust off old dreams to follow and take action towards making them reality.